do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she looked like the before picture.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
