If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
