The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
