Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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