So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
