Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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