someone threw a dead crab at me
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
