your parents love me but you hate me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Barsexuality is the new black.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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