TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
