What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize