Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
