I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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