your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
