Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
