Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish my penis had a tongue
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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