so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
