Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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