you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i drank out of a bidet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
