I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
