Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
