Me. At least after what I've been through.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
