Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
