sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
