They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
