im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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