And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
