We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
