So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
