I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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