You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
