i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
