I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
