I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
