I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
