I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
