he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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