Swine flu. Run for my life!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
