i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
