Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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