I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
