so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
