He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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