i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
