Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
