did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
