It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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