white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
