I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
