Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
