my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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