when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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