i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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