im drinking this country out of the recession.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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