just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
