is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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