I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage