so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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