careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.