tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
