i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
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I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.