I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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