Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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