Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
