Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize