You can't special order awesome
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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