yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can you bring me the toilet please
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
