anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
