You really coming over, don't trick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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