...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
