Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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