Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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